I returned - part 2

(my sister’s testimony continuation)

"I am not embarrassed to say that I was left without strength, I felt alone, as if there was no one who could help me, and I often thought if only my sister was here with me, because by then she had just left to serve God on the altar far away from me.

I was upset because I wanted my sister whom had been my confident and my great love to be by my side, the problem is I didn’t know how to deal with the situation and instead of reaching out to God and bowing down to his feet my heart hardened. Our ignorance at times is so large that sometimes we think that God needs us for something, when in reality we are the ones who depend on Him completely. By this time I was no longer a helper anymore, because I was aware that I couldn’t do the Work of God with my heart the way it was.

I felt as if I was the worst creature alive because this wasn’t what I wanted. I had a few problems in my marriage, it wasn’t that our love grew cold, thank God that never occurred, but we no longer thought the same way.

Far away from God, far away from the church, with our hearts broken because it was hard for us to forgive ourselves, because we were going through all of these hardships far away from God and the price was to high to pay, we knew it didn’t end here though. We wanted very much to have a child when I received the news that I couldn’t have children, I felt my world come crumbling down and I felt as if all was lost. I wasn’t doing what I wanted most, which was to serve God and to top things off I couldn’t have children, like this, my heart no longer had feelings, it became as cold as ice. It felt as if this dessert had no end.

My beloved sister would always write to me and call me telling me to return to God. She never gave up, after hearing her talk I would always cry and after reading each letter I would be broken, but the pride and hardness in our heats and the spiritual immaturity don’t allow us to see things clearly. By acting this way all we did was extend our dessert and pain.

In the bottom of my heart there was a large nostalgic feeling for the presence of God and the church, but unfortunately I didn’t have the strength to go back. What makes me happy today is that I know he saw and heard my cries from the depths of my soul although I was so weak. His Word says that before the words even reach our mouth He knows what we are going to say, it amazes me how God loves us so much and how He never gives up on us!

But one day when I had hit rock bottom I thought, : “ I cannot live like this, stuck, for the rest of my life”. I prayed and asked God for His mercy and I cried out to Him with sincerity, and I began to tell my husband about how much I missed my life with God. At first he didn’t understand, but I told myself, “I won’t give up, I will go back and I’m going to win my husband again for Jesus.” It wasn’t easy, but my beloved God had a plan for us:

A marriage couple friend of ours one day ran into us while we were walking, we hadn’t seen each other in years, they were Christians and they asked us how was our relationship with God going, we immediately let our guard down and opened up to them, this couple was used by God, they helped us return back to the arms of God. It wasn’t easy, there was a lot of molding to do in our interior, lots of wounds in our soul and the only one who could heal them was Jesus, but little by little we began to strengthen and we were able to stand again and restore our relationship with Him.

Our reencounter with God was marvelous. We quickly went back to the principles that we knew pleased God, placing our tithes before God to be faithful to Him, because we were decided to please Him and we began to have our experiences with God once again. Until one day, after all this process that lasted years, the desire to return to the Universal Church, grew. To go back to where it all began with God and from the place we should have never left to begin with…."

Cátia Rubim

(To be continued next thursday)

Read here part 1