Soon
after those events my father was invited to the Universal Church. He
surrendered his life to God 100%, he changed his whole life, he also fought for
my mom’s conversion; our family was restored, happiness entered our home and
soon after, the two were raised as Assistants of the Church. Not so long after,
my father with two young children was called to leave his good jobs, his
comfortable life to be an Assistant Pastor, just to be a servant, not knowing
where he would live or where he was going, only to serve Jesus. And he
accepted. I began to face a new battle.
When
I started school in the first grade, which was a public school in Brasilia
(Brazil), my teacher did not like me because she knew my father was a Pastor
from the Universal Church. She was very rude and treated me very badly. I did
not like going to school because of her.
Soon after, we moved to a different city and I was enrolled in another
public school. There, bullying was no longer with the teacher but with my
classmates. They called me so many names because of my slanted eyes. What they
would call me often was: "Get out of here Jaspion (a Japanese wrestler who
was on TV at that time), I do not want to stay close to the Japa(Japanese girl)
you are not from here ..." And almost no one wanted to be my friend. I
pretty much walked alone at school. After all, most of the time I would change school
in the middle of the year, where small groups were already formed and I ended
up staying alone.
In
1995 my father was sent to open The Universal Church in Japan, because of our
Japanese descent. When I got there, I was 11 years old, and the bullying were
no different. The insults and negative words, looks of disgust and contempt of
all kind only increased. Now the bullying was not because my father was from
The Universal Church, but because I was Brazilian. Again, no one at school
wanted to be my friend. The lighter insults were that I was ugly and fat. I
will not write all of the insults because they are not worth it. Every day I would
hear negative words, which made me feel very bad. As much as I tried to ignore the
insults and even defend myself, every time I heard that I was ugly, I would
bleed inside a little more. I cried a lot in my room, I did not want to go to school
at all, even more so because I could not speak Japanese well, I did not know how
to defend myself well and because I had no one to help me or to be my friend,
it affected me yet more. All of those words began to have a very negative
effect on me. I started doing crazy diets to lose weight and have the body like
the Japanese, very skinny, I would run a lot and I wanted at all costs to be
like them. I thought I was ugly, fat, stupid, I thought I would never have a
boyfriend because no one would ever be interested in me and so I became a very
closed person, bitter, rude, feisty, rebellious and full of problems.
Yes,
I was the pastor’s daughter, but only God knew how much bitterness, anger and
even the desire to die I had inside. I could no longer stand so much contempt,
so much suffering, so much heartbreak. Worst of all I would unleash my anger at
my brother, my mother and even my father... but I never told them what was
going on with me. My big mistake! What hurt me the most, was knowing that my
brother was also being bullied at his school and I could not do anything to
help him... I even fought with a boy from his school, but my frustration was
knowing that I was not with him all the time to defend him. They could even
bully me, but I did not accept for my brother to go through the same thing I
did, it would hurt me a lot.
My
greatest anger was knowing that my brother and I were suffering, not by our
choice. The devil put in my head that it was all the Church's fault, because if
he was not a Pastor I would not be in Japan, I would not be going through all
of that pain and the anger against the Universal Church began to grow inside of
me . But the root of my problem was not the bullying I endured since first
grade, I had another problem inside of me that I wanted to hide, I wanted to
forget…
It
will continue next week, see you then. God bless you. Kisses
1 comments:
Thank you for sharing these post
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