Friday, 12 August 2011

A Mothers’ Mission 3 – Comparisons

This tends to happen often, not that mother’s do it on purpose, but the truth is this in’t healthy for any child.

When the mother begins to compare the child to another sibling, a cousin, or a friend from school, without realizing it she is hurting her child, it makes the child feel as if he isn’t good enough and with that he begins to feel inferior, ashamed and his self esteem begins to drop to the ground.

No child is the same, even if they are of the same age, they don’t have the same behaviors nor do they have the same abilities.

See if these words sound familiar:

“ Your brother is so well behaved, I don’t know where that bad behavior came from!”

“Look how smart your friend is, try to learn from him and stop being so dumb!”

“Your cousin is so much more talented than you are, I don’t know what to do with you anymore, you don’t help me at all!”

Phrases like these are like a stab in the heart to your child, comparing them to others won’t change their behavior, which I am sure is your intention is saying those things to them, on the contrary it just worsens the situation, because it hurts him or her so much that there is no desire in him to change and be better. Maybe you think you are helping your child, but your just hurting him.

Why not try another strategy? Try loving words to change him. Such as praises words when he does something right, or when he does something for you, even though it may not be perfect, he tried.

Don’t just highlight his flaws; learn how to acknowledge his virtues, so that he may feel loved just as he is.

"Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged."

Colossians 3:21


K.GordonUK said...

thanks mrs tania for this post, because even today i was being compared and as u said its not nice to feel compared u dont feel worth your while, but with that being said i will continue to fight for my family to see a change of not being compared.but also go the extra mile to point out my good qualities not to be proud but an offering to God.

Anonymous said...

this is true that happen with a lot of kids and that kid feel very bad they think that they are nothing.

Anonymous said...

Well I am not a mother yet but the power of the tongue is powerful, till this day I still remember when my mum used to compare me to my cousins and friends. It used to really hurt my feelings however thanks to God I have learnt how to forgiven. Saying positive words does help because children do remember.
Omolade London BXT

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