Secrets of a Pastor’s daughter 8 - The day I overcame my heart

After I ended the relationship with my first boyfriend, I continued firm serving Jesus. Soon after my father was transferred to Rio de Janeiro. A new phase would begin for me.

In Rio de Janeiro, I met many pastor’s kids and made new friends. It was a great and very entertaining little group. We would go out to the movies, we would go to the Church together and many of us were assistants at that time. I made a lot of great friends that last to this day. In the mean time I met an assistant and we got interested in each other. Over time, we started to like one another and then he asked my father for permission so we could start dating.

For me he was all that I was looking for in a man. He was a great student, intelligent, handsome, polite, friendly, a gentleman and I felt important around him. That feeling started to grow to the point that every time he would call; my heart would beat so fast. That first love, that passion, it was all I wanted, for me he was perfect. But there was a ‘but’: he was an assistant and I always knew that I would serve God on the Altar, then there was a question mark within me: does he want to be a pastor? Does he have the same desire as me? Then I talked to him and asked if he wanted to one day be a pastor, because I knew that he was studying and wanted to get his career and so, he told me yes, that after he and I finished college, that together we would do the work of God. I was very happy to hear that. But you know when you get that feeling of doubt within you? Yes, that was God warning me. I began to wonder if he really was the man of God for me, because my parents did not go much with his face, my brother much less, and even the wife of a bishop advised to see if this relationship was truly what God wanted for me. But I was blinded by love, I completely ignored all the red flags. I was sure he was the one, even feeling doubtful. What people said about him or what I saw was wrong, I did not care, I would just ignore it.

But over time, that feeling of doubt started to bother me. I was changing. I was no longer that assistant that was dedicated 100% to the people and to the work of God. Now I started to think a lot about him and our future, I started to think about the plans we made together and I started to think about our wedding that was already planned. I realized that I was getting cold in my faith. But one day, that little doubt bothered me so much that I prayed to God and I asked Him to show me if he was really for me or not, and of course I already knew that he was not the one for me, but I wanted to insist with God for this relationship to work, thinking that God would change something and make him the right person for me. I always asked him if he wanted to be a pastor, and the answer was always the same, yes. But one day, when I asked him again, he got so upset and he gave me a very harsh response saying NO! I do not want to be a pastor and I would never be one, because he did not have the calling, the desire inside of him. He just told me so because he wanted me to stay with him. At that moment the ground disappeared under my feet. I was being deceived all this time!! Immediately I told him that it was over between us, so we could not go on with the relationship because I had the calling, the desire to serve God on the altar, therefore we would not be happy. I cried a lot!! It hurt my soul, but I knew I had to use my faith and deicide between him or the work of God. His answer was the drop of water that made me understand once and for all that he was not the man of God for me. I had ignored all of the red flags. But God reminded me of my request in the Campaign of Israel, of what I was looking for in a man of God, and he was the opposite and yet I ignored. But because God is merciful and knew of my love for the souls, He made me see the trap that the devil had prepared for me and so I could then go back to where I had stopped in time and do the will of God, that was, to obey Him. After a few months, I decided to leave everything behind, to look forward and to trust that Jesus had someone ready for me. I went back to giving myself 100% to Jesus and continued steadfast in the faith.  Friends, God will always make sure we see His will for us, but we are the ones who must overcome our heart, our will, to fulfill His will; even if it hurts, even if it is difficult, I know very well what it means, but I can tell you that it is worth it, to obey and to trust God because He never gives us the worst, He protects us and gives us the best. Today, this young man is no longer an assistant and I don't know of his whereabouts.  Next week I will tell you how I knew that my husband was the one for me after all these mistakes... A big kiss and until next time.

Juliana Furucho