I was insecure and felt inferior

Hello my dear Mrs. Tania,

After reading this post, I remembered of the insecurities that I had until about 3 years ago. Well, my situation is very different, my boyfriend, who is currently my husband, always respected me, but the fact that I am his second wife and on top of that I am 10 years younger than him, caused me to have a huge insecurity that was drowning me. I used to be very jealous, and I would tell him that if he would have had children from his first marriage I would have never allowed him to have any approximations to us, because that child would had been a link between him and his ex-wife.  I would feed myself with thoughts that I was a little girl (since I was only 19 years old when I meet him and he was already 29!), that I was immature, that I was at an inferior level compared to his ex-wife, and the thoughts went along that line. The human mind is fertile when we allow ourselves to get carried away by it.

            All of that came to an end because I no longer accepted to continue that way; being dominated and drowned by that feeling of “inferiority” – It was one of my conquest from Godllywood!!! Not at any time (we dated in the presences of God for 7 long years!) did my boyfriend/husband made me feel that way. On the contraire he never made comparisons, his past was buried but in my unconscious it wasn’t! The problem was in me. I limited myself! However today I am free! I never allowed any of those feelings regardless of which it was, enslave me! I have total conscious of who I am, and the value that I have. I am the one that brings true happiness to my husband.

I am the one that loves him unconditionally, that truly respects him. I am the one who seized and seizes each moment to invest more in our union.

We are very happy!!!

Sweet kisses,

With lots of love,

Té

I wanted be approved

Hello, my name is Vanessa and I'm 29 years old. It all began with the separation of my parents, I turned into a rebellious little girl, kept to myself a lot and didn't like being around a lot of people. Even though I was like that, I always wanted to feel and be accepted by my family and others.

When I was younger, I remember playing with my boy cousins, imitating what adults did. We would plays games, like house where I would be the mom and they the dad and if my other cousins were around then they would play the kids. I never told my mother because I didn't want to get my cousins in trouble. I had begun to keep things inside.

When I became a teenager, I mostly kept to myself. I dressed like a tomboy because I didn't like my appearance. I was uncomfortable in my skin. In school other girls bullied me. I was made fun of for the way I looked. There was a girl who picked on me and said that my face looked like a dog with sad eyes, there were even girls who would tell me I couldn't be friends with them because I looked ugly. That affected my self-esteem quite a bit. Which why I kept to myself. My family would also criticize the way I looked by telling me that I was either gaining weight or too skinny. So I began to try to change my self to gain their approval. But every time I changed something, I would only receive more criticisms. I lived my adolescence trying to live up to other people's expectations.

I had two personalities growing up, and it all depended in what environment I was in. In the house I was a rebellious, I showed who I truly was. At school I was shy and the one who didn't have friends. I had a lot of anger inside and would fight with my mother and sister. At school many considered me of being with my nose in the air. This was how it was in my teen years.

Dating in high school was painful; many times I was cheated on. If I had a boyfriend, it was because I would go after him. I didn't think I was good enough to be sought after. I felt inferior to the other girls. I constantly compared myself to them, thinking why I didn't look as pretty as so and so. Maybe that was why I had been cheated on. As an adult those feelings of unworthiness grew when my husband, then boyfriend, cheated on me. I felt that the other girl was better than me in every way, so I tried to do things to an extreme to get him to stay with me.  I would try use feelings to get him to stay.

This was how I came to the Universal church with many insecurities, feeling not valued, with low self esteem. Through a process of deliverance and with the help and encouragement of the wives I began to change. They encouraged me to try new styles, and complimented me when I did. I traded my tomboy look for a more feminine one. But it wasn't until I had my encounter with Jesus, when I truly began to see myself with a different set of eyes. God helped me see that I was beautiful, special and unique and didn't need to hide behind baggy clothes.   It wasn't an easy process trying to find my style, but I kept at it until I found it, and I'm still evolving. I no longer need the approval of someone to make me feel good, because God has made me feel valued. I've come to realize my true worth that I am a daughter of the Most High God and there is nothing greater than that.

I returned! - Part 4

Well those of you who have not yet read my testimony clickhere, for all of you who have I will continue…

When I came back I was revolted, I wanted to make a difference. I had the mission of restoring everything that had been stolen from me…

I didn’t look back not even for a second, there was no time!

Many tell themselves, “I can’t go back to being an assistant again, much less…”

If you think that way let me tell you that it is a thought and feeling from hell. We can go back to serving if that is our desire, as well as we could be much better than we were before.

The first and most difficult step is to recognize our situation, leave it all behind and then forgive ourselves because the devil will be accusing us to mislead us from our goal…

Never forget of a powerful weapon that we have, if the devil comes to accuse us of our past we can remind him of his future…

 My friend don’t waste more time pitying yourself, nor condemning yourself for if God already forgave you then why grieve over what He Himself already drowned in the sea of forgetfulness!

Overturn your life today, it all begins with our attitude!

Go forward, I tell you out of my own experience, my new birth and reencounter with God occurred when I came back!

Since then everything has flown naturally, serving our God has been something wonderful, my experiences are numerous, I will be sharing some with you…

If you are in this situation be humble and tear your heart open before God without holding back, come back!!

God doesn’t make us better, He transforms us…

In the following post I will tell you how my return was!!

Cátia Rubim

I returned - part 3

(Continuation and Final Part of my sister’s testimony)

We gathered courage and we went to church one Sunday morning, after the service I felt as if God were saying to me: “ you came back to the right place and I will never allow you guys to leave again and the glory of the second house will be larger then the first.”

We began to attend the meetings and everything was renewed in our hearts rapidly, God had completely erased our past, our objective was for God to restore everything we had lost. And finally it began to happen. The desire to serve God again was born in our hearts and we longed to be raised in His work. Now with our interior restored, we gave in the hands of God our dream to have a child, even this pain God had cured, and our love for Him wasn’t any longer subjective to what He gave us.

In July 2009, in the Campaign of Israel we sacrificed everything for our dream and what was impossible became possible, after 13 years of marriage I became pregnant, I made my vow in June 2009 and I was pregnant in October, and in June 2010 my son was born.

Our God is marvelous He never fails!

We should conquer financially because it’s our right and it’s our inheritance, but never place that blessing in first place. Never, under any circumstance should we abandon God or the church, because it’s much easier to rise inside of the church then outside.

Regards:

I give thanks to my beloved God, who never gave up on us and I want to say that He can always count on us to bring forth His plans we are here for that.

To my lovely sister Tania, who never stopped praying for us and who never doubted we’d one day return. Even though that in the moment she left to do the Work of God, I did not approve, because I saw her departure as very painful, she never gave up on her decision to leave it all for the Lord. Now I understand you perfectly and I am ready to do whatever God asks of me, you were a great example for me and you still are. I love you my lovely sister! You are a precious pearl, your essence attracts me to you, you are beautiful on the outside, but much more on the inside.

To our married coupled friend, used by God in the right time, may God bless you abundantly.

Today with 15 years of marriage and a blessed marriage I want to thank my husband who attracts me so much because of his complete devotion to God. A true Man of God who never abandoned me, instead he maintained his fire for me and he never stopped loving God, his soul called out for God and he loved him.

To the Universal Church of the Kingdom of God for the strength, audacity and perseverance that the church has that take us to reach God’s heart. Now I understand, that with all of this God has molded our character, he has taken us to a deeper level of intimacy with Him, he has showed us true humbleness and that nothing can separate us from His great love.

God bless you all!

Catia Rubim

Read here part 1 and 2

I returned - part 2

(my sister’s testimony continuation)

"I am not embarrassed to say that I was left without strength, I felt alone, as if there was no one who could help me, and I often thought if only my sister was here with me, because by then she had just left to serve God on the altar far away from me.

I was upset because I wanted my sister whom had been my confident and my great love to be by my side, the problem is I didn’t know how to deal with the situation and instead of reaching out to God and bowing down to his feet my heart hardened. Our ignorance at times is so large that sometimes we think that God needs us for something, when in reality we are the ones who depend on Him completely. By this time I was no longer a helper anymore, because I was aware that I couldn’t do the Work of God with my heart the way it was.

I felt as if I was the worst creature alive because this wasn’t what I wanted. I had a few problems in my marriage, it wasn’t that our love grew cold, thank God that never occurred, but we no longer thought the same way.

Far away from God, far away from the church, with our hearts broken because it was hard for us to forgive ourselves, because we were going through all of these hardships far away from God and the price was to high to pay, we knew it didn’t end here though. We wanted very much to have a child when I received the news that I couldn’t have children, I felt my world come crumbling down and I felt as if all was lost. I wasn’t doing what I wanted most, which was to serve God and to top things off I couldn’t have children, like this, my heart no longer had feelings, it became as cold as ice. It felt as if this dessert had no end.

My beloved sister would always write to me and call me telling me to return to God. She never gave up, after hearing her talk I would always cry and after reading each letter I would be broken, but the pride and hardness in our heats and the spiritual immaturity don’t allow us to see things clearly. By acting this way all we did was extend our dessert and pain.

In the bottom of my heart there was a large nostalgic feeling for the presence of God and the church, but unfortunately I didn’t have the strength to go back. What makes me happy today is that I know he saw and heard my cries from the depths of my soul although I was so weak. His Word says that before the words even reach our mouth He knows what we are going to say, it amazes me how God loves us so much and how He never gives up on us!

But one day when I had hit rock bottom I thought, : “ I cannot live like this, stuck, for the rest of my life”. I prayed and asked God for His mercy and I cried out to Him with sincerity, and I began to tell my husband about how much I missed my life with God. At first he didn’t understand, but I told myself, “I won’t give up, I will go back and I’m going to win my husband again for Jesus.” It wasn’t easy, but my beloved God had a plan for us:

A marriage couple friend of ours one day ran into us while we were walking, we hadn’t seen each other in years, they were Christians and they asked us how was our relationship with God going, we immediately let our guard down and opened up to them, this couple was used by God, they helped us return back to the arms of God. It wasn’t easy, there was a lot of molding to do in our interior, lots of wounds in our soul and the only one who could heal them was Jesus, but little by little we began to strengthen and we were able to stand again and restore our relationship with Him.

Our reencounter with God was marvelous. We quickly went back to the principles that we knew pleased God, placing our tithes before God to be faithful to Him, because we were decided to please Him and we began to have our experiences with God once again. Until one day, after all this process that lasted years, the desire to return to the Universal Church, grew. To go back to where it all began with God and from the place we should have never left to begin with…."

Cátia Rubim

(To be continued next thursday)

Read here part 1

I returned - part 1

My sister's testimony:

"I can affirm that my testimony is very strong.

When I came to the Universal Church my mother had invited me and I was very young, very rebellious, I was full of fears, I couldn’t sleep alone, I felt a huge void in me. I even went to the point of finding refuge in addictions, I had lots of friends, went to a bunch of parties, but there wasn’t a way to fill that void.

I was always a good student in school, I studied in the best private school in Porto, until I was 15 years old when I begged my dad to let me go to a public school because in the private one they controlled me too much. My dad agreed, but it was that year that I reached rock bottom, I involved myself with awful friends and even failed classes because I skipped them.

Ever since then my parents, especially my dad had a great difficulty dealing with me, because I had become a rebellious youth and totally revolted, nobody could control me, my interior was a disaster. My mother was anguished and desperate seeking all kinds of places and spending all kinds of money, but even like that nothing worked, on the contrary I was more revolted. There were times in my life all I wanted was to die and I would tell my mom that one day I would just commit suicide, all I wanted was to vanish from everyone and everywhere.

Until one day I went with my mother to the Universal Church, I’ll never forget that Thursday, I remember because it touched me inside, I felt like I had finally found my way. After that day all I wanted was to participate in the meetings, I began to go on Sundays to seek the presence of God and little by little I began to be liberated, finally my fears and traumas were gone, I began to give my first steps in the faith and to open my heart.

Some time after, a desire to serve God was born inside of me, to give to others what I had received. I continued with my encounter with God, to have my experiences, until I was asked to serve God in the church, it was a very special day for me in my life, something new began too flow inside of me.

My parents began to see a complete transformation in my life. Everything began to change.

The time passed and I wasn’t in any rush to have a boyfriend, but I always prayed for God to place the right man in my life, whose purpose also be to serve God, and for that person to complete me. I think that it was due to my lack of anxiousness that it wasn’t long before the right person came along. I didn’t date him right away, first I did a purpose with God, because I was conscious that this would be for my entire life and I couldn’t go wrong. God confirmed my vow and with the local pastors’ blessing we began to date, he had been a helper too but longer than I had been. After a year we got married and everything was going fine, we continued to serve God, but my husband had the desire to serve God on the altar and he said that the day he conquered everything he wanted he would leave it all to serve God on the altar and this did happen.

We had a good house in a nice place, a nice car, a jet-ski, we always travelled and stayed in nice hotels, ate at nice restaurants, finally, the Lord had fulfilled His promise because he never fails, but my husband hadn’t kept his end of the promise. He had obtained everything but he hadn’t left it all to fulfill his promise with the calling that was inside of him. His vision was no longer the same; he barely had time to serve as a helper, until he decided to stop being a helper momentarily, because he wasn’t being an approved helper.

I confess I went through terrible moments because I continued to be a helper alone, until I allowed the sadness to overcome me, because I felt as though my castle was tumbling. I went to church alone, to the vigils alone, in the end it wasn’t what I had dreamed and hoped for. Until one day, it seems like from night to day we lost everything we had fought so hard to conquer."

Catia Rubim

To be continued next thursday...